CSI Skaro (Or, You're Suckered!)

While the world of televisual media continues to churn out endless copy paste, carbon copy police procedural shows, those of us who enjoy original content are starved of decent television. Each one is functionally identical to the last, with only the central gimmick varying between shows. I envisage a day when the writers run out of locations or scenarios to spin off such shows, and they turn to fictional universes instead. With this in mind, I present to you, dear reader, my concept for a Dalek procedural. CSI: Skaro. Mostly because I haven't been able to stop laughing after thinking about it.

We open on two Daleks patrolling a Skaro street. Our hero, Detective Inspector Derek Dalekson, and his partner, Sargent Arthur Dalek.

Derek: "My functionality is impaired. I require my morning infusion of steaming oil."
Arthur: "Infuse! Infuse!"

Our investigative pair divert to a Dalek equivalent to a coffee shop for hot vessels of steaming oil and doughnut shaped power cells. While they enjoy a beverage, a dispatch call comes through.

Radio: "Alert! Alert! Criminal is on the run in sector Alpha Delta."
Derek: "Acknowledged. Arthur, roll out!"

Both Daleks emit a wailing siren from their voice boxes, as their dome lamps flash blue and red. Lots of quick cuts indicate action as we follow the pair as they chase a Sontaran down a series of back alleys. Finally, the Sontaran is cornered. Panicked, his laser rifle is discharged, striking Arthur. A fatal blow. Enraged, Derek exterminated the criminal.

We cut to the opening titles. Derek travels on his flying disc across the Skaro badlands, zooming amongst rocky outcrops as "Dangerzone by Kenny Loggins plays. This scene is spliced by other clips from the series, showcasing some of the other regular actors. Names appear in 80's font, cascading with repetition of many colours.

Our episode continues after the trippy diversion as we enter the office of the police chief, as played by Davros.

Davros: "You are a loose cannon, Derek."

Derek: "But boss, I get results!"

Davros: "Be that as it may, you cannot be trusted to act in the interests of the Dalek race as a whole. Your wild card tendencies are too unpredictable. You got your partner killed, Derek!"

Derek: "Varga-crap! There was nothing I could have done. Nobody mourns his loss more than me. Don't pin it on me boss."

Davros: "DALEKS DO NOT MOURN! You killed the Sontaran in anger. Daleks do not act according to the whims of petty emotions. Daleks are the ultimate race. You are a disgrace to the force! Hand in your badge and gun arm."

Derek: "Fine by me boss. I'm better as a lone operator anyway."

We enter the era of Derek as a lone wolf private operator, who eventually earns his position back on the force. Most of what follows are mere vignettes, ripe to be expanded if (when) it gets commissioned.

Devoid of weaponry, Derek hastily duct tapes a pistol to his sucker arm.

The Master appears occasionally as Derek's criminal informant.

Daleks in a police station screaming "Interrogate! Interrogate!" at a flustered criminal.

A Dalek judge deciding whether to "Exterminate!" or "Incarcerate!"

Derek, taking the law into his own sucker is able to act outside the law.
Derek: "Daleks have no concept of juries. I am judge and executioner!"

Simply, whenever Derek arrests a suspect, his catchphrase is "You're suckered mate."